I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
