i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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