In America we eat man semen.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
