are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
