we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
