Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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