FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
