i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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