I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
