too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
