omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
