all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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