They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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