He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
