I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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