well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
