i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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