I am spending my child support on dildos
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
