Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Houston, we have a blender
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
