Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
