we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize