Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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