I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
