Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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