She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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