if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
