Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i've created a new STD.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
