I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
