i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
