I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
