I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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