i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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