I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
