I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
