thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
