Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
