I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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