there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
