So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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