I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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