Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
