oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
