What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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