I am spending my child support on dildos
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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