I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
