my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
