Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i already hear my dad disowning me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
