Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
