I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
