Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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