i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
