dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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