just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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