You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
