just tell him i said nine months
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
