Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
