I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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