Don't you send me to vm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize