Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
