all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
