Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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